“The tick-tock of the clock is painful, all sane and logical…” Remember that song? Eve 6? Man. A lifetime ago. They say time passes faster each year, and I find that’s completely true. I spent much of my teens and twenties wishing time away, longing for the next step or stage in life. In high… Continue reading Time.
This year, I’ll turn 32. I spent most, okay maybe all, of my teens and twenties hating my body. Too much here, not enough there. Too wide, too soft, too something. And that’s despite the fact that from the time my husband and I started dating, he constantly voiced approval, desire, and appreciation of me,… Continue reading Looking in the mirror.
So prepare for a long read! With four days of labor, three days on magnesium, and almost a week on the hospital, Amos’s birth was a long, wild ride! On the big day, we decided to make sure we had plenty of time. We decided to eat before going to the hospital. So we got… Continue reading Our birth story – Amos James
I'm writing you just days before I will finally meet you, face to face. I'm still in disbelief that you are really coming so soon. From the moment we found out you existed, we loved you. I was honestly scared to let myself fall in love with you, just because of our history of loss,… Continue reading Dear Amos,
I’m not sure of ever really shared the entire story of Mira’s birth. Thinking of my own upcoming experience with Amos and trying plan and prep for his birth has me reminiscing on hers. I never expected to be in the delivery room, ever, not delivering a baby myself nor with an adopted child… Continue reading Mira’s Birth Story
I was listening to our local Christian radio station this morning on my way to work and I caught the end of a caller sharing how her son was in terrible condition following some illness or accident and how God healed him despite the doctor’s grim prognosis. At first, I smiled a grateful “He can… Continue reading The Mystery of Miracles
After Mira died, I felt like Job. I had nothing left but my faith. I lost it all but Him. I found, in the days and weeks and months that followed, that I had walked in the darkest of valleys and made it out. Surviving the loss of her was the fiery refinement that made… Continue reading Fighting Fear.
If I could be completely honest, I'd tell you I'm not okay. I'd tell you I'm tired of throwing up nearly every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I'd tell you I hate being exhausted constantly and feeling so zapped that I'm finding myself in bed by 7 on the regular. I'd tell you I'm… Continue reading Honestly, I’m fine.
I’ve written half a dozen or more unpublished blogs on this new wave of grief that has enveloped me. It’s almost shameful that the world seems to have a “one-year” expiration date on grief, yet mine seemed to attack most debilitatingly in this second year without Mira. The first 6-12 months after she died were… Continue reading Running in the right direction.
Today is one of those days. I didn’t know it when I woke up, but it didn’t take long. This morning, I got ready, ate breakfast, helped Jake get the baby ready to take him to the doctor since he’s got yet another ear infection. Pretty normal kind of day. Mira wasn’t, particularly on my… Continue reading Mira Days