In a perfect world, I would not have overslept this morning, rolling out of bed in a panicked frenzy to get dressed as my concerned mom (my son's caretaker for the day) came inside through the garage door, calling helllloooo y'all, realizing from the dark rooms that we must still be in bed. In a… Continue reading In a perfect world.
Back in mid-June, Jake and I took an anniversary trip up to the mountains and spent the week kayaking and paddleboarding on the lake, just the two of us. Makinzy was busy with the first of three weeks of volleyball camps this summer, and he and I stole away to just relax. I gave blogging… Continue reading And then there were 4. Or 5. Or 9. Whatever the number, we just added one more…
I've been dreading writing about today. I've dreaded talking about today. I've dreaded just living today. She would have been one year old today. A whole year old. I was running through the halls, rushing to the delivery room, a panicked phone call that labor was starting... it was a year ago, a little after ten… Continue reading Sorrow and Celebration.
My journey to motherhood didn’t involve 9 months of pregnancy and a joyous delivery, but like all mamas, the first night I held my daughter, I felt that fierce surge to protect her at all cost surge through me. When we adopted Mak at seven years old, there were already so many things I didn’t… Continue reading Mama’s protection.
I have not done baby showers for at least ten years. I haven’t been to a baby shower, other than my own days before Mira was born, with very few exceptions, at all. In the last 7 or 8 years, I think I might have been to two. I remember a cousin’s years ago,… Continue reading The ache of loss: when their arms are full and yours are not.
It’s been five months. On April 26th, she will have been dead as long as she was alive. How have we made it through the last five months? With a lot of grace, to be honest. It has been hard. Do you know I haven’t blogged anywhere or wrote much since she died? Isn’t it… Continue reading living when your daughter is not
When we moved, I hated leaving the unfinished, half started nursery. It was the only room I really felt “attached” to at that time. We had always planned to do a Beatrix Potter-themed nursery (back in 2010, 2011) but after miscarriage after miscarriage, nursery decorating got pushed to a halt and none of that ever… Continue reading Nursery Redo, Take 5.
This year, I just could not do Christmas cards. I have always loved sending cards, but obviously, this year was just too hard. I almost ordered them, but I ran out of time and figured it wasn't going to work out. So I just didn’t mail any this year. It sucks. I feel bad, but… Continue reading Christmas cards unsent.
Not long after we moved in, we painted the brick fireplace and in doing so, took down the old white mantle that was boring and crooked and just not right for the space. We planned to get to it April. Or May. Or maybe June. Then, Mira came. Obviously, it fell to the bottom of… Continue reading A More Meaningful Mantle.
Through October, Mira developed a persistent cough that neither her pediatrician or cardiologist worried about at first. We thought it might be a virus, so we tried antibiotics, then we tried an allergy-antihistamine, but neither helped. They thought it must be the remnants of a cold that would work itself out as she grew. On … Continue reading The post you never want to write.