Grief · Parenting

Time.

“The tick-tock of the clock is painful, all sane and logical…” Remember that song? Eve 6? Man. A lifetime ago. They say time passes faster each year, and I find that’s completely true. I spent much of my teens and twenties wishing time away, longing for the next step or stage in life. In high… Continue reading Time.

Faith · Parenting

Looking in the mirror.

This year, I’ll turn 32.  I spent most, okay maybe all, of my teens and twenties hating my body. Too much here, not enough there. Too wide, too soft, too something. And that’s despite the fact that from the time my husband and I started dating, he constantly voiced approval, desire, and appreciation of me,… Continue reading Looking in the mirror.

Adoption · Faith · Grief · Parenting

To you he’s just a baby boy, but to me…

I’ve always found the way strangers ooh and aww over a stranger’s baby to be odd. Perhaps because I’ve never done it. Having walked the path of infertility, miscarriage (six times for that matter), then child loss (after our five month old daughter passed away), I have spent most of my adult life avoiding babies,… Continue reading To you he’s just a baby boy, but to me…

Adoption · Faith · Grief · Parenting

Faith to write in ink.

There’s something about kids, babies, and pregnancy that leads to a lot of counting on the fingers. We find ourselves counting weeks down and weeks to go, marking special dates and anniversaries, planning out appointments, and anticipating milestones. Optimism and faith after my first miscarriage helped me get past my fears, and I bravely scribbled… Continue reading Faith to write in ink.

Grief · Parenting

Dear PICU Mama, You are a Warrior.

Dear PICU (or CVICU or NICU or any other ICU) Mama, You are a Warrior. When a child is critically ill or injured, it is impossible to describe the suffocating feelings of helplessness, fear, and frustration that rip through a mother. Beyond that, it is impossible to describe how the experience will change your identity.… Continue reading Dear PICU Mama, You are a Warrior.